not perfect...

That hope promising a heavenly place where everything is going to reflect God's glory? Well knowing that just ache every moment I'm living, because I can tell where I'm living and what life I'm living isn't of that standard. For one, studying feels suicidal, school workload seems like murder etc. For two, I'm not at a place to understand my friends outside of my major where there is still greater need than trying to sleep for an extra half hour.

The later might kills more. Cz if I were to understand why one of my depression friends is at a low point again, be in her shoe, I won't have to try to help her, I will just go help her without judging her for being weak. If I understood community life the struggle in group work won't be what we call "a mess". If I understood that my other friend wants carrying from me more than I want her carrying, our relationship will be better.

for someone who's blind to love, there is too much love out there.

How to love (with small things) when life is busy like hell?

Then fall back to sinful nature, schedule/dead lines/studying/self interest dominates one's life. A 60 hr/wk study schedule is simply not allowing room for anything else. What have I gotten myself into? part my fault (for signing up for all that), part not my fault (what doesn't kill you makes you better, they said). Try not to have these things hold against you, right?

My point is, rather than asking for sympathy for me, how should I reverse it, just for myself? cz obviously by reversing my neighbors won't have to suffer for my sake, find something relationship between you with me. I know I don't do this in my life.