My friend went to visit HK last summer. She took some pictures, one is at the crosswalk that I used to pass by everyday to school/dance/church/home for 14 years of my life. To her, its the beautiful sunset that catches her eyes; to me, its a long lost memory.
What I meant by long lost memory is that something I can't describe with a definite event, it short of is a memory from doing it as a routine. One can't appreciate such a place until one left the place. To me, that crossover where she took the picture at is a passage between 2 world: the comfy one and the one I most go to in order to be valued as a member of society. The former, is homeward bound, the one I've left behind the day I flow to America. The later, is what I adopt everyday since 5 years ago and call it my mobile home.
A homeward bound has become an idea for me, unpractical and rational, detach from my desire, emotion, or plans or what not. On the other hand, it's nothing wrong with a mobile home, I enjoy it. My meaningful friends, majority of my growth, majority of my life is defined by this "mobile home" I live on.
One day I will settle in my heavenly homeward bound, but until then, I have no intention to return there.
The memory once had is lost and can't be re-lived, so it can't define me as who I am today, especially the significant events in my life didn't happen there. I have to admit if one day my knowledge of my old life haunts me, I will use my memories for good cause. But until then, I do not know what to do with them except stash 'em in a mental box, collecting dust.
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